The Viper and The Mountain and the Emotions

I found myself on a twitter rant of this week's episode "The Mountain and the Viper" so I thought it would be best to take to a longer form of expression. Because that's what women do. We talk about our feelings... or slaughter men over them.

This was the theme I picked up from this episode. It was heavily run by women, regardless of our all-star match up in the ring (that we had to wait until the final 5 minutes for -_-). Let me explain...

The episode's open features a very drunken no-name broad who was burping tunes for her men friends to guess. One man immediately guessed "The Rains of Castamere" and from that moment, fans, we should have known what this hour would bring us.

ENTER YGRITTE: our firey ginger friend who placed her faith in Jon Snow only to be left to her wildling, ahem excuse me, "Free People"tribe who ensured her she'd be in biiiiiiig trouble of Jon Snow wasn't actually dead as she had reported. Maybe she didn't kill him, but she's certainly taking out her rage on the whole of Mole's Town.

EXCEPT FOR our friend Gilly and baby Sam whom Ygritte found mercy for, even in her blood thirsty, broken hearted fury. Point one for the girls.

Next stop is the Eyrie, where our weasley dude Lord Baelish has some questions to answer about the fallen (see what I did there?) Lysa Arryn. Though Lysa's stroll through the moon door may seem like a point against the females here, it got Sansa to shed her snake skin and reveal how capable she also is of being sneaky like, and even for, Baelish. I'm reluctant to give her a point because I find it quite creepy that Littlefinger's trying to get his hands on the whole family, and Sansa's only 14, but when she stepped out triumphantly in her raven dressed she didn't look too against it. And she's alive.

As is Arya! As if there were ever any doubt, but she gets a BONUS POINT for finding something to actually laugh about in this world. I must say, I've always sort of rooted for the Hound for some strange reason, but his infected neck wound and now this botched mission to get paid in exchange for one of the last Stark children is slowly but surely tearing him down.

Over the Narrow Sea, we have our most complex chick yet. Our Khaleesi who has certainly grown in many ways (is she merciful? is she losing sight of her true mission?) and has just broke up with two major dudes. She sent Daario Naharis packing, but only to benefit her rule, and now that we know Jorah has been Varys' little bird this whole time, she won't even give him a moment to speak in private. OUCH. Girl Power at its finest though. How dare that two-timing Wall surrenderer try his luck again? He don't have to go home but he sure can't stay here. If he doesn't have the Lannisters paying his bills in exchange for info, where in the seven kingdoms is he headed?

That's not concern of Khaleesi's. One point for her for kicking dudes to the curb and still having a solid posse. So we have one point for Khaleesi, one for Sansa, one for Ygritte, two for Arya, and as Tyrion patiently awaits his "trial" in a cell, we must not forget the wrath that is Cersei Lannister-Baratheon-(Tyrell?) who put him there. If we go back far enough, we can bring Joanna Lannister in here, the mother of the twins and the imp, a.k.a. the most loved man to ever walk the face of this planet, whether it be in the real world or the fictitious Westeros. Is this some kind of sick karma finally coming his way?

Nah. There were other girl probz he's faced since the death of his mother. One word: Shae. He did everything he could and more to make Shae happy and safe, and she came back onto the scene as none other then Team Cersei.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

There is more to this saga than just Joffrey's death. Don't us forget the Oberyn was so willing to kill the Mountain to hear his sister's name finally spoken and avenged. What's interesting about this is he got the Mountain on his back but couldn't shut up or swallow his pride; an absolute perfect parallel to Tyrion whose trial it is after all. How fitting that his contender is just as stubborn as he?

But we knew Oberyn had personal motives. Everyone's fighting for a dame somewhere. Buuuut, mostly everyone is losing.

So who really gets the points for Oberyn's face obliteration? Cersei is the obvious front-runner, since she had been waiting her entire life to have her "monster" brother killed, even though she probably didn't want it to be for regicide of her sadistic son-king. Is it Shae, then, who definitely has a case of the crazy ex-girlfriend if-I-can't-have-you-then-you-must-dies?

Cersei may have had her moment this week after hearing her father proclaim her brother would die. But the person who just died so that Tyrion would die is the Prince of Dorne, the country that OH YEAH.... has her daughter.

I don't know ladies and gents. They call her the Mother of Madness, and as we look at history, things don't always fair well for our Mad friends.

Also, if I gave the nod to Cersei on behalf of the ladies, I'd subtract one from the board for Ellaria Sand, Oberyn's woman, whom he promised to not leave alone in this world but uh, did.

So though things really aren't fairing well for many of our men, the ladies are pulling all the strings.

As for Tyrion, I absolutely refuse to believe he's about to die. All Men Must Die, but even Grand Maester Pycelle couldn't actually refer to Tyrion as a "man."

Maybe I'm being overly optimistic.

Oh I certainly am, but there are two episodes left to get Tyrion on a boat somewhere. Maybe to meet up with his wife so she doesn't shack up with Littlefinger. eek.

Ode to the recent unemployed college grads

When you wake up the day after your graduation, you still have that glow. Not because you drank from your last keg to celebrate (as I fell asleep after graduation to recuperate from my senior week of debauchery) but because you're still getting flooded the picture notifications, congratulations, and even the prospect of more card$.

You have money to blow on a bag that bag online that was just way too much. Now, get the wallet too.

You have an excuse to go out and get belligerent from the flood of free drinks at the bar just for saying "I graduated college."

You are free to plan trips to the beach, to Six Flags, to fucking DISNEY WORLD because you don't have any assignments due anymore!

But then, slowly but surely, family and friends begin reminding you why your'e here in the first place. I'm talking about the dreaded question: "So now what?"

And the glow starts to feel more like a red hot flame on your face when you have to admit: "I don't know."

My advice, as a fellow currently unemployed undergraduate is that you don't have to know. Success stories, as we all know, are those that don't run smoothly and are met with a lot of defeat along the way and blah blah blahhdeh blah...

But stay focused. It's okay to celebrate another friend who got their job lined up but don't meet them everyday for happy hour because now you're just making their success story richer and yours farther away (because you know there will never be a much poorer time than now).

6 MONTHS. That's the golden window. Don't let anyone worry you, you're gonna worry enough yourself. But all the worrying I've been doing for the past semester suddenly vanished a week after graduation. I know I don't have a job, but when I look at all the schmucks out there who do I know I will get one. Not by going out and partying, but by going out and experiencing things. Trying to find, maybe something that I hadn't discovered before, may be the actual place to start my career. My diploma isn't an end-all tell-all to what I'll be doing. I have to find it while keeping my head above water, but I have to give it time.

Grammy tweets, go long

The biggest night in music.

And Pharrell's biggest hat.

It promised to be one of surprises and "ground breaking moments." I mean, I guess.

I tweeted my way through the whole show but upon reflection, it deserves a little more.

So, cat's out of the bag now, let's just start by saying DAFT PUNK CLEANED HOUSE. In addition to their three helmet changes they have four little golden horns. Regardless of all of the glory they assumed, one thing shadowed their fame: Pharell's hat. For as much attention as they bring upon themselves by wearing full robot suits, Pharrell still spoke on behalf of them for all the awards they won together, and even separately.

Pharrell's hat was surely the biggest moment of the night but certainly not the most groundbreaking.

Right after his hat was introduced on the red carpet Madonna stepped onto the scene sporting a full suit along with her son, David. We knew then that we were certainly in for some type of treat.

The first jaw-dropping, perhaps brow-furrowing moment was when Lorde took the stage for "Royals." As prefaced by her backdrop of stone angels, her performance was demon-driven as her black ink-dipped fingers curled into claws as she slouched her way through a stationary sing-along. Honestly, give the girl a chance, she's 17 and from the Netherlands.

And everyone knows her! Unlike the following performance, all be it touching and moving, by Hunter Hayes, that distracted the crowd from asking who he was by displaying quotes by much more famous people behind him. Lady Gaga wasn't there, but she still had her moment on screen with the quote "There really is no difference between the bully and the victim."

This set the tone for the night. There was another quick demon-worshiping session by devout California Catholic (?), Katy Perry. It was an act of dark horses turning juicy, pole dancing on broom sticks, and of course red breast crosses.

Winners of most of the awards and all of the talk.
@PharrellHat ft. Daft Punk

Taylor Swift gave the crowd a nice break from the explosives and devil worship by sitting behind the piano in an absolutely, admittedly, stunning gown and playing her nice little song "All Too Well." It was a bittersweet remembering of all the little heartbreak deaths we've all experienced.

Then she started head banging.

Still couldn't even begin to fill in Pharrell's hat.

The song was beautiful, and T Swift certainly made a splash, but didn't let the light leave her.

During arguably the BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT, as Kendrick Lamar used every last breathe to spit out his lines alongside a soon to be covered in red dust Imagine Dragons, she flailed along in the front row like a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man.

But really, Kendrick and Imagine Dragons-- let's talk for a second. It was the punk. It was hip-hop. It was rock. It was fun. As a good friend of mine tweeted during the mini-show, "If you have Steven Tyler singing along you did something right."

Steven Tyler you say? WHY YES. And he wasn't the only glory-day rocker in the crowd. He was joined by none other than Ringo Star and Sir Paul McCartney. As if that wasn't enough, Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic, Metallica, and even Nine Inch Nails were there.

All the while, Pharrell's hat stood tall and strong.

Oh and there was a little South of the Border performance by some random girl in light up cowboy boots. Still don't know if her song about shooting arrows was about, so I'm just gonna skip that until I can let it sink in and maybe even rewatch the show.

When McCartney and Starr did get on stage though, the entire house got up to jam along. Most importantly, Yoko Ono shows us all how to properly dance to quality material by legends.

So I think, this is just a hunch, that the big moment of the night was when Macklemore sang "Same Love," which already has everyone in emotional stitches. Remember when I said this heart-wrenching anti-bully stuff set the mood? Well Macklemore and Co. hit the peak. Queen Latifah, who is apparently also Reverend Latifah, was joined by Madonna the Queen of Everything, to usher in a few hand-fulls of couples, fully clad in wedding attire, and (you guessed it) marry them.

It was gays, lesbians, inter-racials, traditionals, ... but what there wasn't a dry eye in the house!

The Grammy's wanted to make history but I'm pretty sure it was just Queen Latifah. And Macklemore for sharing the stage with Madge.

Pharrell's hat was there to witness it. That's basically the moral of the story.